God on Lawns
Imagine the conversation The Creator might have had
with St. Francis on the subject of lawns:
God: Hey
St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going
on down there in the Midwest? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle
and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect "no maintenance" garden
plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply
with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies,
honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours
by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.
St.
Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to
kill them and replace them with grass.
God:
Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies,
birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures.
Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?
St.
Francis: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it
green. The begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant
that crops up in the lawn.
God: The
spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must
make the Suburbanites happy.
St.
Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it...
sometimes twice a week.
God: They
cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?
St.
Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.
God: They
bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
St. Francis:
No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
God: Now
let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so when it does grow, they cut
it off and pay to throw it away?
St.
Francis: Yes, Sir.
God:
These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain
and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of
work.
St.
Francis: You are not going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing
so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can
continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
God: What
nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of
genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide
beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form
a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and
bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a
natural circle of life.
St.
Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle.
As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have
them hauled away.
God: No.
What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep
the soil moist and loose?
St.
Francis: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which
they call mulch. The haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.
God: And
where do they get this mulch?
St.
Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
God:
Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. Sister Catherine, you're in
charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?
Sister
Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a real stupid movie
about.....
God:
Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.
ReplyDeleteChuckle ..... I mot as of now say David hahahahaha ...
actually a very true story. The leaves of the trees protect the soil and roots, but also it is a shelter small animals. Weeds attracts bees and other insects which we get honey. The circle of life shall we say.
Yet there are many people who make their garden winter ready and there is no hiding place for many more animals.
This is so true!!!!!.
ReplyDeleteSo bloody true
ReplyDeletebravo!
ReplyDeleteSuch an enjoyable post... and so true.
ReplyDeleteWe have some lawn around our home (and I love to quote Albertus Magnus: "Nothing refreshes the sight so much as fine short grass"), but it's rather "medieval", with lots of different "weeds" and moss growing, never watered and very seldom fertilised. :)
With what have you replaced the grass?
Native ground cover, milkweed, butterfly weed, Black-eyed Susan, Balsam fir, American Linden, Staghorn Sumac...............
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