Thursday, 2 April 2015

The Genius of David Spector

     David Spector is a biologist at Central Connecticut State University and is always a voice of wisdom on an internet site called BirdChat, of which we are both members.
    For April Fools' Day he posted the following gem, which I am reproducing with his kind permission. For readers of my blog whose native tongue is not English some of the nuances may be lost, but for English-speaking readers this is simply hilarious, and oh so creative.
     I hope you will enjoy it as much as I do.

The minutes of the meeting as recorded by the Secretary Bird:
 There was dispute as to whether the meeting should be chaired by any of many emperors (including a Mikado), kings and kinglets, a sultan, tyrants and tyrannulets, monarchs, bishops, cardinals, or a Bonaparte. It was finally decided that the highest rank belonged to the Celestial Monarch.
 The royalty insisted that the Military Macaw exclude the Jacobins and the Zapata Wren from the meeting, and a Royal Flycatcher was appointed to protect the nobility from annoying insects.

Forbes's Plover reported the recommendation of the finance committee (Bank Swallow, Fiscal Shrike, Rothschild's Swift, Golden Plover, and Rockefeller's Sunbird) for the removal of the skimmer as treasurer and appointment of the Dollarbird to fill that post.
 The old coots of the history committee gave their report.
 Music was provided by the Flutist Wren, Musician Wren, Song Wren, Varied Triller, Song Sparrow, Melodious Warbler, trumpeters, and a barbet shop quartet. The hummingbirds, having forgotten the words, provided backup harmony and a Calliope accompaniment. The bard owl recited poetry, and the Mute Swan and Chaplin's Barbet performed in a mime show.
The Adorable Coquette and the Cock-of-the-Rock eyed each other across the room, while the restless Crestless Gardener yearned to get outside. The noddies slept through the meeting.
As debate became heated, members referred to each other as loon, screamer, booby, dodo, hammerhead, chat, wigeon, cuckoo, turkey, babbler, . . . . 
The mockingbirds and the sneering contempt of the Supercilious Wren intimidated the Tremblers, who were too nervous to speak.
Several orphaned birds were brought to the attention of the group, and, in an act of charity, the affected flycatcher, heron, and trogon were made Ward's of the state. 
The Lazy Cisticola missed the meeting (as did the Solitary Sandpiper and various solitaires and hermits).
The Adjutant Stork, as sergeant-at-arms, attempted unsuccessfully to prevent other cisticolas from bubbling, chattering, chirping, croaking, rattling, singing, trilling, wailing, whistling, and zitting.
 Despite the raucous tone of the event, the meeting closed with some words of wisdom from the Sage Sparrow and Sage Thrasher (the Sage Grouse kept its wisdom to itself) and a quiet song by the Vesper Sparrow. 
The Barn Owl, Barn Swallow, House Martin, House Sparrow, and House Wren each offered to host future meetings.
The scrub-birds cleaned up after the meeting.


  1. Wonderful!! Thank you for sharing this with us, David.

  2. Very well done! You named it a gem, David...and a gem it is!
    Gr Jan W

  3. Hi David,
    I do not understand much of it, but thanks for sharing.
    I wish you good Easter.

  4. Absolutely wonderful!
    Great imaginations, but then bird names would draw a clever biologist like David Spector to edit such a text!
    I had much fun reading it, thanks for sharing it with us, David :)
    Huge hugs to you and Miriam!

  5. Very clever. I would have spent forever even trying to come up with that. I think I might qualify for a seat on the History Committee?

    The Stoat's predators are wild cats, dogs, foxes, large owl and larger birds of prey. And man of course, especially since Stoats are regarded as vermin by the shooting fraternity.

  6. Excellent piece of writing.

  7. I find this quite titanic whahahahaha .... You should just come up to ask as at this meeting. Really funny and very well done:-)

  8. Very interesting . I love colors of birds. Wish you a nice w.e.